It is funny, but when people do not dance Argentine tango, they ask me “How can you dance that close to someone you don’t know.” They are surprised when I tell them “I never think about it.” That is the truth. My mind, my heart, and my passion are in the music, not with the man I am dancing with. If you and the man you are dancing with have good posture, you each have your own balance and axis, then you hardly touch.
I think when either both of you or one of you uses the other person for balance is when things can get a little …uncomfortable. Here in Buenos Aires it is no secret that the better dancers will ask foreign women to dance who are not good dancers for a reason. When they turn they pass their whole body across the man or they lean against them for support. Cheap thrills.
If at any point you feel uncomfortable, just take a little step back. I have had men hold me so tight I think I am going to stop breathing. I just politely ask them to please not hold me so tight. I think some men really just don’t know. (You know it is kind of like sex…if no one tells them…) The same for the ladies. I have heard that some women hang on a guy and come so close the guy is scared he is going to get attacked. What is a guy to do? First of all lift your shoulders up, pull your stomach in, lean a little forward, that will push her back on her axis – hopefully.
Then there are the guys whose right arm snakes around just a little to far over than it should, just keeps going past the under arm to get a quick feel. I like to take my left elbow down from the embrace and squash that hand. They always look so innocent. At least you guys have laws in the UK and the US. We have none. Most Argentine women are afraid to say something because they are afraid they won’t be asked to dance again!
Now what happens if the unthinkable happens? I think it is a nightmare on both sides, unless the guy is a pervert. I mean, I cannot imagine being a guy and being thrilled about being “excited” while dancing. I am not a guy, so I can’t really tell a guy what to do. It only happened to me one time and at the end of the song the guy ran out of the milonga. So the situation was resolved for me. I think it is one of those situations no one really wants to talk about. To be honest I don’t know what I would do. Maybe it would depend on who the guy was. (Oh God, I didn’t really write that, did I?)
There are some men and women who use tango instead of having relationships. They use that 3 minutes for whatever fantasy is going on in their head. You do not have to be part of that fantasy. I never recommend embarrassing anyone publicly unless the person is a repeat offender. There are ways to make your point. The most important thing is not to dance with them again if you are uncomfortable with them. It only reinforces their negative behavior.
® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author
Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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