Tango Thoughts

Tia Deby: The exhibitionista...

I remember once when I was watching an exhibition of a woman teacher in California many of us didn’t much care for we actually laughed when she fell out of her dress.  That is correct.  She was wearing a dress that might have looked good if you stood still, but it was a dress not made for dancing.  The second she turned way too far, the whole room knew exactly what she had.  Her dress was padded. Her exhibition was ruined.  She had brought someone from Buenos Aires to show off with.  Unfortunately the show she had in mind was not exactly what happened.

A couple of years ago here in Buenos Aires in Niño Bien I was watching the exhibition of another well known dancer.  She was wearing a flowing dress.  She had gained a tremendous amount of weight and the dress covered some of it.  She did a back boleo. It was a beautiful boleo until her heel got caught in the skirt of the dress.  She tried valiantly to undo her heel without stopping her presentation but it was impossible.  I felt sorry for her having been there myself.

Wardrobe malfunction.  The terror of any female tango dancer.  When buying clothes to dance tango you need to make sure that besides being pretty they are functional.  Can you move in them?  Are they fluid?  Are you going to constantly worry about the darn thing falling off?  What happens if it does?

I have a dress that is low cut.  When I dance with men who have good posture my dress stays in place.  A couple of weeks ago I danced with several gentlemen who did not have quite the posture, so after every song, I would have to readjust my dress.  My dress was black and so was my bra.  I acted like it was no big deal.  I told one man “Would you please stop undressing me here?”  He laughed and told me it was probably the only place he would ever get to undress me.  I should never have worn this dress or pinned it so it would not open.  I knew it was a problem from the start.

The most important thing is to keep your composure.  Don’t panic.  Either fix the situation immediately or excuse yourself from the floor and your partner.  I admired tremendously the dancer whose heel caught in her skirt.  She kept her composure throughout the exhibition, even cracking a smile when her heel became free.

When you are uncomfortable with your clothes you cannot dance.  Just like your shoes, if they are not comfortable you defeat the whole purpose of why you are there.  Think about it.  Do you want to come to a milonga dressed like a Barbie doll in a dress you are afraid will fall off in shoes that are not really that comfortable?  Somehow that does not seem to make much sense.  When you come to Buenos Aires, you probably notice that we dress comfortably.  Why?  Because we want to enjoy ourselves in the milonga, and you should too.

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author


Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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Tia Deby: Sense & Social-ability....

A milonga is a social event.  It is where we go to dance, to enjoy our friends.  A practica is where we go to practice tango, and a class is where we go to learn to dance tango.  Why is it that some people don’t get it?  I realize outside of Buenos Aires, a milonga and a practica are sometimes the same, but how can anyone confuse a class with a milonga?

You know exactly what I mean.  It has happened to all of us.  You are dancing with someone and all of a sudden, the lesson starts.  “You need to move your foot just a little more this way.” Or “I want to show you a better way to do that step.”  When we were beginners we loved it.  But as we advance as dancers we don’t want that dance lesson, we just want to dance.

It is rude to give unsolicited advice. This goes for on and off the dance floor. (Try and remember that.) Adults do not like to be told what to do.  So why on earth does someone think they have the right to tell you how to dance?  Ladies, that goes for you too.  I see you reading this and wagging those fingers at the men, but you do it too.  I know, because the men tell me you do.

If you don’t like how the guy or gal is dancing, then simply don’t dance with them again. It is real simple.  As someone who has taught, I know what the errors are of someone I am dancing with, but I resist the urge to correct.  When I am dancing with students I never corrected them in the milonga because it is not the place.  I simply enjoy the dance for what it is.

What do you do when someone wants to correct you?  You should be direct and tell them “Please, I do not want a lesson while I am dancing.”  I had another friend who would say “I don’t do verbal leads.”  If they continue, then simply agree to end the dance.  Your invitation was to dance, not for a lesson.

There is a fine line between advice and comfort.  I remember once asking a man if he could please lower his left arm down to my eye line.  He had it way up high and dramatic.  He proceeded to lecture me about a class he had just taken.  I told him that was fine, but I as the woman was uncomfortable with my arm way up in the sky and could not dance that way.  He then again began to quote his teacher – a name brand. I told him fine, go dance with him and walked off the floor. 

In the above instance I was asking the man to please adjust so that I would be more comfortable.  I was not criticizing him.  You should always be comfortable in your dance. This was a little thing the man could have done.  Instead he gave me a lecture about why the arm needed to be that way.   

We all know who the perennial lesson givers are in our communities.  They are not going to change.  They have a need to give advice.  My advice to you, is don’t dance with them if you don’t want a lesson, no matter how much you love that tanda.

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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Tia Deby: Tango Combat, the path to peace...

There you are in dance trance in the arms of one of your favorite dancers while the DJ is playing your favorite tango when all of a sudden a shooting pain hits your leg or you find yourself being knocked around.  What do you do?

 

A)   Throw your arm out and push the offending couple as far away as you are able to, the brutes.

B)   If you have been stabbed, grab your leg and wince as loud as you can so everyone in the entire milonga knows what a grave injustice has been done, to embarrass the idiot who did that ridiculous boleo.

C)   If you have been somewhat hurt, cry out, grab your partner, and limp off the floor in a dramatic presentation that would win an academy award.

D)   Stop, smirk at the offending couple in a way that you hope will wither them into the dance floor.

E)    Stop, raise your hand in a conciliatory move and continue dancing.

 

If you were the one who did the stabbing or banging into then you should:

A)   Continue dancing and ignore whatever happened, after all  people should expect this sort of thing.

B)   Glare at the other couple, especially if they are making ridiculous noises about being injured.

C)   Stop and make sure everyone is OK before continuing to dance.

There is not excuse for bad manners anywhere in life and the dance floor is no exception.  I do not know why people think it is OK to bump into people, stab them with their heel, kick people, and elbow others, without acknowledging it.  You would never do that on the street, but somehow it seems OK for some people to do it on the tango dance floor. I regret to inform you, it is not.

If this should happen to you, you need to behave yourself whether you are the offender or the recipient of the offensive move.  I am sure it was accidental no matter what you think.  The first thing you do is to quickly assess the damage. If you are not mortally wounded, then look to the other couple for a quick nod of the head for an apology and continue to dance.  It is what we do here in Buenos Aires. If none comes, then continue dancing.

If you are wounded then take yourself off the dance floor.  You don’t need to alert the entire milonga that this happened.  I sincerely doubt you will need an ambulance.  Usually a short rest and at the most some ice should put you back on the dance floor.

 If you are the perpetrating couple you have a different set of rules.  How many times have I said “No high boleos in the milonga?”  We can always tell you foreign girls in our milongas because you just can’t keep your feet on the floor.  Sigh… 

Anyway, regardless, if you stab someone, bang into someone, or kick them, you need to apologize.  You should never keep dancing or worse make a face at them and keep dancing.  If there is a shriek of pain, stop, and make sure you did not actually wound the person, apologize.  If need be, help them off the dance floor.  If not after you apologize, continue to dance.

Here in Buenos Aires, we always try to acknowledge when we have bumped into someone.  It is only good manners.  Which is the point, there is never an excuse for bad manners.

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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Tia Deby: Scent of a woman...or a man

I remember years ago before I moved here I was at Lo de Celia’s at an afternoon milonga. There was a man I was dying to dance with.  He was wearing a dark blue shirt. He was a great dancer and he never gave me the cabaceo no matter how many times I starred at him.  That afternoon he finally invited me to dance.  I waited for him to cross the floor and come for me.  When he did and I went into his embrace, I realized why his shirt was dark blue; it was soaking wet. 

I danced the entire tanda with him mortified.  I didn’t know what to do.  When the tanda was over the front of my dress was not only wet, I smelled like his horrible deodorant.  Many men in Buenos Aires who cannot afford cologne douse themselves with deodorant. It was horrible. 

If the same thing would happen today, I would decline the dance.  It actually did happen to me last summer.  A man came for me on the floor.  I did not realize he was wet until we went into the embrace.  Yeech.  I moved apart from him.  He immediately asked me “What’s wrong?”  So I told him “You are a little wet.”  Little was an understatement. He hesitated and then asked me if I wanted to continue to dance, I told him not really. It was difficult because walking off the floor is an embarrassment here.  He was a gentleman to ask. He should have brought another shirt.  Gentlemen Lesson #1, if you are prone to sweat bring a second shirt with you.  If the man is uncomfortably wet, you should nicely excuse yourself from the dance. The key word is “nicely” and then go to the lady’s room.

A friend of mine took a woman to dance.  He said her cologne was so overpowering that he almost fainted during the tanda.  He said that he always wanted to dance with this woman but never again, it was like she was wearing the entire perfume counter of Marks and Spencer.  He said he really suffered dancing with her.  The perfume was not only strong, it was a terrible scent. He said he continued dancing with her because he didn’t know what else to do.  He said dancing with her gave him a headache.

Gentlemen I am sure you have been in this position before where the woman in your arms either has too much perfume on or maybe the opposite, maybe she doesn’t smell all that wonderful.  What do you do?  Do you continue dancing or say something?  I think that depends on you.  If you can continue, then do, but if you cannot then you must “nicely” end the dance.  Give her a smile and thank her and then just head for the men’s room.  She will think you have a “gentlemen’s emergency.”

It is important to remember that tango is an intimate dance.  You need to remember that you will be spending most of the evening in the arms of another person. Think about that before you head out the door for an evening of dancing. 

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author

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Tia Deby: What to do when the embrace is too intimate…

It is funny, but when people do not dance Argentine tango, they ask me “How can you dance that close to someone you don’t know.”  They are surprised when I tell them “I never think about it.”  That is the truth.  My mind, my heart, and my passion are in the music, not with the man I am dancing with.  If you and the man you are dancing with have good posture, you each have your own balance and axis, then you hardly touch.

I think when either both of you or one of you uses the other person for balance is when things can get a little …uncomfortable.  Here in Buenos Aires it is no secret that the better dancers will ask foreign women to dance who are not good dancers for a reason.  When they turn they pass their whole body across the man or they lean against them for support.  Cheap thrills. 

If at any point you feel uncomfortable, just take a little step back.  I have had men hold me so tight I think I am going to stop breathing.  I just politely ask them to please not hold me so tight.  I think some men really just don’t know. (You know it is kind of like sex…if no one tells them…) The same for the ladies.  I have heard that some women hang on a guy and come so close the guy is scared he is going to get attacked.  What is a guy to do?  First of all lift your shoulders up, pull your stomach in, lean a little forward, that will push her back on her axis – hopefully. 

Then there are the guys whose right arm snakes around just a little to far over than it should, just keeps going past the under arm to get a quick feel. I like to take my left elbow down from the embrace and squash that hand. They always look so innocent.  At least you guys have laws in the UK and the US.  We have none.  Most Argentine women are afraid to say something because they are afraid they won’t be asked to dance again! 

Now what happens if the unthinkable happens? I think it is a nightmare on both sides, unless the guy is a pervert.  I mean, I cannot imagine being a guy and being thrilled about being “excited” while dancing.  I am not a guy, so I can’t really tell a guy what to do. It only happened to me one time and at the end of the song the guy ran out of the milonga. So the situation was resolved for me.  I think it is one of those situations no one really wants to talk about.  To be honest I don’t know what I would do.  Maybe it would depend on who the guy was. (Oh God, I didn’t really write that, did I?)

There are some men and women who use tango instead of having relationships. They use that 3 minutes for whatever fantasy is going on in their head.  You do not have to be part of that fantasy.   I never recommend embarrassing anyone publicly unless the person is a repeat offender.  There are ways to make your point. The most important thing is not to dance with them again if you are uncomfortable with them.  It only reinforces their negative behavior.

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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Tia Deby: How do I know when a teacher can teach? Or cannot teach…

Here you are on your way to dancing tango, or not.  You decide its time to take a private lesson.  Everyone tells you that this the way to do it.  Some visiting maestros from Argentina are here wowing you with their exhibition at your milonga or even your teachers in your own city. What should you know about taking a private lesson?  Good question. I am going to try and answer that for you here.

I believe that group classes are a good way to start.  I also believe that in many ways group classes are a good way to pick up lots of bad habits as well.  Unfortunately, many teachers do not have the time or skills to watch students, therefore many students learn things they should not.

A private lesson should focus on you not the teacher. That sounds obvious, however having assisted many “name brands” when I lived in California, I can tell you that many times the lesson is not really a lesson at all.  It is an hour for the teacher to tell you how wonderful they are and you get to pay for it. How lucky for you!

You should be working the second the shoes go on your feet.  The class should be 80 – 85% work and 15% talk.  There is no reason to talk about the life of the teacher, his or her philosophy on life.  They can take you for coffee if they really want you to hear that.  They are there to teach you a class.

If this is the first class with this teacher they should dance with you a little bit to understand your dance.  It is the only way they can work with you to correct your defects. To start out teaching something when they know nothing about your dance is a little silly in my opinion.  The class is about you, remember?  Not about them.  Do not let a teacher make the class about them.

If there is something special you want to work on, ask the teacher.  It is possible a teacher may tell you that you are not ready.  For example, in a class with one of my partners, we had a woman who wanted to learn how to do volcadas.  She was not ready with respect to her balance and axis.  Of course there are teachers who will teach you anything regardless.

Many times a teacher will introduce a new way for you to do something.  This happens in private classes.  Try to keep an open mind.  A private class is all about you. Remember that.  There is no way in a group class a teacher can focus only on you. 

Just as in a group class, you should never be confused.  A teacher should be willing and able to clarify anything they are teaching you.  Sometimes the amount of material can be a little overwhelming, but it should not be confusing.  You should never be afraid to ask your teacher to explain, re-explain, and explain again, how to do something. A good teacher will find a way to get a concept across to you.   If you are still confused, perhaps it is because your teacher is more confused than you are.  Never assume that because someone is a “teacher” they actually know what they are doing.  Think of all the people out there driving cars.

A teacher should always be professional. They should come on time.  The class should end on time. If it does not, and it starts to go over, you should ask if you will be charged for the additional time.  A teacher should always maintain a professional demeanor whether they are male or female.

Always remember the class is yours.  Enjoy!

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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Tia Deby: What makes a good teacher?

What makes a good teacher?

I remember once when I walked into a milonga in San Francisco seeing someone new. There was this guy hunched over with bent knees. I figured he was visiting from LA or somewhere. Imagine my surprise when the organizer told me he was the teacher who was here visiting for the week teaching a series of seminars. I was horrified. He looked like Ichabod Crane. I knew that he was actually a musician who had come up with a “method” to teach tango and in my opinion to fleece the pockets of anyone who would let him.

Later in the evening I introduced myself to him as the President of the Association of Tango and asked him for a dance. He rudely refused. I am sure he did not want to embarrass himself. He had surrounded himself with a group of future students, all young, and probably too naïve to know, that he knew absolutely nothing about tango. Throughout the night people asked me my opinion. As the President of the association, I was in a delicate position, so I told them, “Watch him dance.” They would always respond with, “But he is Argentine.” My comment to them was, “So what.”

Being Argentine does not mean you know how to dance or teach. There are plenty of bad Argentine dancers and teachers. Having danced in many shows does not make you a good teacher. Being able to lift your leg up high and twirl on one leg means you had lots of ballet. Being able to turn and turn means the same. 

Can this same person dance socially? I know lots of show dancers that cannot lead nor follow. I know show dancers that are nightmares to dance with. A bulldozer would feel better. I have heard from male friends that many female show dancers feel like a refrigerator on the milonga floor. They have no clue how to follow. Why? When they dance in a show they dance a routine. It is choreographed. What do you think they are going to teach you in a class? 

Then we have the reverse going on. There is this new trend to find milongueros to teach. Find some half dead old guy and his wife. Stick them on plane and send them to teach their secrets. Well there are a couple of problems. First of all, the half dead old guy and his wife have been dancing together for 50 years. How sweet. She won’t let him dance with anyone else even in the class and she has NEVER danced with anyone else. So they are supposed to teach YOU how to dance? He taught her and no one else, and she has never taught anyone else. But they are Argentine.

So what does a real teacher teach you? A real teacher teaches you how to dance. Tango is only 3 steps that can be combined into 40 or so movements. A real teacher teaches you to walk, to do ochos, and to turn (giros). A real teacher helps you to be comfortable in your embrace, to understand and feel the music, to have good posture, to know where your feet are. It is really easy and you don’t need 5,000 private lessons to learn.

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved. No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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Tia Deby: How do I end a dance? from a Lady

A group of friends of mine from San Francisco came to visit me in my apartment in San Francisco.  They had been in Buenos Aires for about 2 weeks.  They told me when they first came, they were dancing quite a bit, but now they were not dancing that much.  They said it was happening to them in all of the milongas.

I was surprised.  They are all fairly attractive women, and they all dance well.  Well enough to be dancing a significant amount of the time.  We continued to talk about the milongas when one of the women made the comment “I give them one song and then I leave the floor.”  I was horrified.  “You do what?”  I said to her.  They all looked at me like I was some kind of idiot.  Another one of my friends patiently explained to me “I don’t want to waste my time dancing with someone who doesn’t know how to dance. So if he is not a good dancer I just leave the floor.”

I was shocked.  Who the hell did these women think they were?  In my very best Miss Christianson voice. (Miss Christianson was my 3^rd grade Home Room teacher) I told them, “Here in Buenos Aires, you need to earn the right to walk off the floor.  What you are doing is rude.  No wonder no man wants to dance with you.”  I explained to them that by walking off the floor and leaving the man standing there it was insulting.  No man wants to be left on the floor by a woman.  Everyone sees this.  Because they were doing this routinely, the men in the milongas were not inviting them.

What was the response of the women? “Hey we are just dumb tourists.”  Dumb tourists or not it is rude.  When a man invites me to dance, I have accepted his invitation.  If the man is not as good a dancer as I thought he would be, whose fault is that?   Does this give me the right to insult him and walk off the floor?  No it does not.  How many men struggled through dances with me?  Many in those first years, and they never left me on the floor. Not one of them.

There are exceptions.  I have had men who were hurting me.  Who were really bad dancers, where it was absolutely impossible to dance with them.  It was obvious to anyone watching.  In this case I very politely tell the man, I am sorry, but I really need to sit out the rest of the tanda.  I usually dance 2 of the songs.  Usually they know there is a problem.

The other exception is when you get a total jerk.  This is a guy who tries to tell you how to dance, who is completely obnoxious.  In this case, I simply tell them that I think they would be more comfortable dancing with someone of their own level.  I thank them, and leave the floor.

In my situation, people know my level of dance.  When I leave the floor, they want to know what happened.  It is not a black mark against me.  The men will continue to dance with me.  I have earned the right to leave the floor.

There is never a substitute for good manners in any situation.  Before you end that dance, think about how you might feel if you were the one who was going to be left standing in the middle of the floor. 

I always tell the women who visit me; a tanda is maybe 12 minutes of your life.  When you think of how long you are going to live, how important is that 12 minutes? 

Beso,

 

Deby

 

® Deby Novitz 2008TangoSpam all rights reserved.  No parts of this may be reproduced without permission of the author

Deby Novitz' blog can be found at
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Tia Deby: How do I buy Tango Shoes?

This is for the ladies mostly.  Because I am one.  First of all, I hate those dancer sneakers.  Those are not shoes for tango.  Those are shoes for some other dance.  You cannot dance tango in those shoes.  You need to be able to work the floor in tango and with those shoes you cannot.  Please do not give me your 25,000 excuses about how comfortable they are.  The only thing those shoes are going to do for you is give you more bad habits in your dancing.  You would not play tennis in high heels, so why would you dance tango in sneakers?  Next!

Most people do not understand how important the construction of the shoe is. They look only at the esthetic aspects.  Women want the shoe to be sexy, the heel to be high, and the shoe to be pretty.  I think they forget they have to dance in the shoe.  Men want a shoe that stands out.  That people will look at.  How often do I hear “My feet hurt?”  Why? You need shoes to dance in, not shoes for pictures.

The heel is a very important part of the shoe. Plastic or acrylic stiletto heels might be sexy but they are death for your dance.  For the ladies, they do not help your balance.  The standard covered wood heel is still the best.  It gives you stability.  The same is true for men. Look for shoes that use a wooden not a plastic heel. Plastic heels are hollow and do not give you the same stability that a wooden heel will give you.

Heel height plays a huge role in your balance and axis.  Lower is better.  Yes, darling you read that correctly.  So let’s go back and read it again.  Lower is better.  Why?  OK.  In men, tango dancers, do not wear high heels.  Those are either transvestites or folkloric dancers.  Male tango dancers should wear a low heel.

Ladies, what are you thinking wobbling in on those 9 and 10cm plastic stilts you can barely walk on?  If you can barely walk on them, whatever makes you think you can dance in them.  You are leaning all the way forward hanging on the man with your butt sticking out.  No you do not look like Geraldine.  You look ridiculous.  Do yourself a big favor and put on a pair of shoes that have a 7 or 8cm heel.  Both your feet and the men you are dancing with will thank you.

You need to be dancing in shoes where you can comfortably put your weight on your metatarsal and lean forward.  This is for both women and men.  The shoes need to support you.  Yes, they should look good.  But if the shoe does not support you, then why are you wearing them?  In my opinion spending all that money on shoes that look good but hurt your feet is not money well spent.

I suppose there are people out there, where it is more important to them to “look like tango dancers”  (whatever that means) than to actually be happily dancing tango.  I personally would rather be dancing, and without pain.

Besos,

 

Deby

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Tia Deby writes for Tango Thoughts...

I first read Deby Novitz' blog about a year ago and was hooked.  Her sincere and heartwarming stories of her real life in Buenos Aires made me smile and nod my head to no end.  We've been in touch and in a wonderful gesture Deby has agreed to become our "Tia Deby" and answer any questions you might have.  To ask a question send us an email and who knows, you may get Tia Deby giving you the honest lowdown in her inimitable style. Here's more about Deby.

In December 2000 Deby Novitz made her first trip to Buenos Aires to dance tango.  She fell in love with the city, the culture, and the Porteño life style.  She made the first of 18 trips before coming to 

live permanently in 2004.  She sold everything she owned in California, gave up her computer business, and moved to Buenos Aires with her dog Roxie (recently deceased in September 2008), her computer, tango shoes, and CDs to start a new life.

In Palermo she rents two rooms in her apartment to people who come to dance tango.  She gives tours, she teaches English, she does what she can to maintain a life there.  She has appeared on television, and in the local newspapers in Buenos Aires.  In the milongas she is known as 

the "milonguera extranjera."  (the foreign milonguera) She writes the popular blog TangoSpam:Lavida Con Deby and is does not see herself ever leaving Buenos Aires.